then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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