Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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