True but thats because hes a fetus.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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