Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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