I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
