This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
