well you can't waste a boner
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
