This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
