you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
