I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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