Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
