The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
