I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
