I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Randomize
