Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
