I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
