I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
