I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
