Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
