Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
