Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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