There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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