Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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