is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I will be naked everywhere
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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