you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize