where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
