i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
