TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
