i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
