Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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