but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
