I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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