hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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