Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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