Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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