I can tuck mytits in my pants
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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