I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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