i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
