I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize