im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
