she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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