Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In America we eat man semen.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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