I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ttyl tear gas
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
