Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
