So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
