I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
