My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
