i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need help removing her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
