remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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