Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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