Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
