my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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