i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
