shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
