I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
