If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
