We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My cat gives me a boner
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
