You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
