roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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