I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
