I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
