dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
