3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
